Welcome to Canada

There was a band waiting for us on the quayside when we arrived at Corner Brook, Newfoundland. At first I thought it was a marching band but they were just stamping their feet to keep warm.

Corner Brook is a one moose town. It is the sort of place that Canadians spend their formative years trying to get out of. Maybe when the sun sets over the steaming paper mill it has a kind of beauty but we saw it on a rainy morning. Still, we found a nice wetland park. It was quite isolated so I didn't tell Janet about the notice that advertised the "frequent police patrols" until later.

Gaspe was bigger and had its own Macdonalds. It also had a very nicely designed Cathedral built entirely of wood. Gaspe sits at the end of a bay surrounded by low wooded hills and the leaves have just turned a beautiful gold and red. We had plenty of time to appreciate the view because the Entertainments Officer got the ship's time wrong and everyone got up an hour early. Some of the passengers presented him with a travel clock after the evening show.


A Nobel Prize?

Unfortunately Gaspe had to be reached by tender. Ever since the time I boarded my first tender I have been trying to think of a way to prevent these occasions becoming the total cock-ups they usually are.

I've finaly done it and I am going to write a paper and circulate it to all the cruise lines. It's a revolutionary mathematical model that could change things for ever. I've simplified it by cutting out some minor variables and I am sure that, given enough time, most Entertainments Officers could be trained to use it.

((Number of passengers) / ((tender capacity) x (tender numbers))) x (round trip time) / 2 = Curran's Constant

If Curran's Constant >1 then a significant number of passengers will get pissed off.

Dave x